Rest in peace, Daddy..

May angesl lead you in

My life isn’t a fairytale. It’s confirmed today when suddenly I realize that I will never have that beautiful wedding with my dad besides me.

He’s gone.

For good.

Even before I’ve ever had a chance to hear the word: I love you from his lips.

Last nite he passed away, and now, I’m sitting here on the train seat,

Alone

Crying for no reasons..

#Beatles song: for no one is on my winamp while I'm writing this, DAMN IT HURTS!!

On my way back to Bandung to meet my mom, to be honest, I don’t know why I run to my mom hearing this news.

My mom is completely okay. I know it from her sound on phone when I called her.

So, it’s all about me.

I told others that I need to make sure about my mom’s condition before I decide to fly to my dad’s grave. But now, I think I’m not doing this for my mom. I retreat from my routine and duty in order to make sure about my own condition.

I need to meet my mom to get a hold on something I can confide in. I need to save myself.

There was wrath.

Apparently, my dad has wound me deep. The scar seems like never can be cured.

Up till a couple minutes ago, I feel anger in my heart and soul because of all what he did to me. As  far as I can remember, I’ve been blaming him for all of the miseries that life bring me. 

He is the cause.

He is the source.

But now I let him go. Go with all of my dark sides.

It’s the whole new start for me. Afterall, I’ve already taken my dad as dead from the day I understand how does it feel to be hurt.

So, to be honest, it gives no different to me.

That is why, I don’t know why I’m crying now.

Maybe I cry for all of those memories that I should have with him. For all of those precious times that we both should’ve spent together.

Now. That chance is over.

And I have no regrets.

Feel so lucky

Every cloud has silver lining. The sun will eventually shining after the heavy storm.

The best part about this is.. I have friends who are always with me. They come to calm me down on each of their own way. Some show the real emphaty and hold me. Let me shed my tears on their shoulders. Some pretend like they don’t care, avoiding physical contacts but checking me all the time through texts.

And some trying to make me laugh. Some just let me silent and sleep.

Oh, I feel so lucky.

My friends out of the train window glass, wait for my train to depart.

 

And goodbye, Daddy.. may angels lead you in.

GLAMOROUS MORNING

It's 8:36am on Saturday.

I'm sitting here at my computer with a cup of hot green tea in my hands.

The weather is scorching as usual, but I am still looking out of my balcony watching the silent buildings out there.

So this is what it's going to feel like on my morning every Saturday in Jakarta.

I thought I would just sit down at my computer and give it a whirl before I head off to do.. I don't know.

Good morning world!

New comer: Day One!

Life is full of surprises, be it good surprise or bad surprise, eventually every living human being will stumble upon those surprises.

To me, one of the most memorable surprises in my life happened yesterday. Yeah, yesterday was the big day of my life. One of those days I need to celebrate because that was the day I join the editorial for the first time. More importantly, that was the first day I join the real team work of my life office.

Well, to my surprise, I got assigned to join the tv department. OMG!! Yes, it was tv! One of departments in journalism that I really try to avoid!!

I suddenly felt spineless once I read tge sched papers in my hand. Well, it's not like I was helpless or what, it's just, the image of tv departments created by my friends and me for the whole of our susdape time is enough to ruin my day. In my head, the pictures of me being bullied and bored in that cramped room are flashing around.

But again, I need to stand up tall on my own feet. So, I walked to that damned room. A girl called Dita, a reporter, greeted me. I said I need to meet the manager but unfortunately the manager was in a meeting. I felt relieved yet anxious. Relieved because I thought I could postpone my laborious training time, anxious because I got worried for what I would become if I never met this manager.

So, I decided to go upstairs joining my friends who are in text editorial department. But then I realized, I should come downstairs and wait rather than roaming around uselessly.

So I went downstairs and wait for the manager patiently while I introduced myself to other staff.

Oh, that was the nighmare!!!

They just played me around. They thought it was funny to play the new comer, their jokes are cheesy but I still had to smile from ear to ear to appreciate.. Whatever! But at least, it could be a good ice breaker. Thanks for all of you guys!!!

And today.. Is going to be another challenge for me. I need to attend at 8.30 while all of my friends at 10. So, I need to be super independet.

Ya Allah, tolong saya... Mudahkanlah semua urusanku hari ini. Ameeen.

SKEPTICAL IS NEEDED, INTO WHAT EXTENT?!

Tomorrow is going to be my first day to enter the real editorial world. My feeling now? Err.. I don't feel anything, honestly.

Well, the editorial desk is such a big mystery for me, even it's like a wonderland to me. It is a place where all of the existence are needed to be questioned, me, is no exception.

For all these times, to be a journalist (hoping to be!), I trained myself to be skeptical, but in a professional way. Because, we need to admit, there are some skeptics that turn to be so annoying. They seem to be always get around you and bug you with endless questions. Really hate that.

Okay, so about this professional skepticism, I do believe that people lie to us all the time. Even those who are so called the honesest of the honest.

Why?

Why do people lie? Because, lie is necessity. It is one of human's natural weapon to be able to survive.

However, lying is bad, or so we are told again and again since we were kids.

People need to lie to escape from being hurt. Really? Yeah, truths awfully hurt and no one would wish to deal with that.

To be hurt means you'll not manage to survive, thus, people lie. Because human naturally can not stand huredt.

But, are you sure that lie can save us from misery? I don't think so. As once we lie, we will not be able to stop it. It will gets piled up and up until it takes over everything.

Keep on hiding truths so you will full of secrets and you feel like you’re going to burst out.

So, back to my skepticism training, all of those facts mentioned above just point out what I intend to say. People are not innocent. They all have motives. And my duty as a journalist (to be) is to reveal those icebergs.

But, to what extent we need to be skeptical, the answer is as far as we get what we want to hear. Again, truths are made. We believe what we want to believe. After all, how do we measure truth?

Gua butuh meja!!

Daddy, how was I born?

Well son Your Mom and I first got together in a chatroom on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Male!’

 

as cited from a friend's tumblr :D

Broken hearted song playlist

1. Green Day-Wake me up when September ends
2. Lisa Loeb-Stay
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Cheated hearts
4. Radiohead-All I need
5. Beyonce-Broken hearted girl 
6. Lifehouse-Broken
7. Sia-Breath me
8. Eisley-Brightly wound
9. Coldplay-The scientist
10. Coldplay-Warning sign
11. Coldplay-Amsterdam
12. Coldplay-In my place
13. Coldplay-Sparks
14. Coldplay-Trouble
15. Coldplay-Shiver
16. Band of Horses-No ones gonna love you
17. Relient K-Forget and not slow down
18. Lemar-What about love
19. Lemar-Time to grow
20. The Beatles-I'm so tired
21. Noah and the Whales-My broken heart
22. Death Cab for Cutie-Why I cry
23. Death Cab for Cutie-Someday you will be loved
24. The Script-Breakeven
25. Jimmy eat the World-Pain
26. The Smiths-Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me
27. La Roux-Cover my eyes
28. Motion City Soundtrack-Broken heart
29. Oasis-Don't go away
30. MEW-Paper cuts

"Someday You Will Be Loved"

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret Cause each broken heart will eventually mend As the blood runs red down the needle and thread Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved Like you never have known The memories of me Will seem more like bad dreams Just a series of blurs Like I never occurred Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep And everytime tears roll down your cheeks But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet Someday you will be loved

**********************************************************************************

Ini adalah lagu ter e'e di awal bulan ini! Semuanya persis seperti apa yang diucapkannya.

Di setiap putus cinta, sang "pemutus" selalu bersikap seolah-olah dia peduli dengan kebahagiaan yang "terputuskan". Tapi sebenarnya tidak. Thanks for Ben Gibbard to point it out in his song.

Wishing u a happy life... You'll get a better man for you... dan ratusan klise sampah lainnya yang terucap layaknya sebuah standard operasional kata-kata putus yang meng-global.

Itu semua hanya untuk menyembunyikan rasa bersalahnya, atau ketidakpedulian, entahlah.. i'm not a jerk-mind-reader. Oh GOD, it hurts!!

Wake me up when September ends

Photo by: Mari Z on Flickr

Dear babyblue..

Last night is the last tears I shed for you. No, it turns out to be a couple minutes ago. And now while I'm writing.

I'm done. I really want to move on. I'm tired ofliving in your shadow. So, let it be my last mourning day for you babyblue, because I love you so true. Whatever.

I'll abuse myself with these songs and I'll get over you for sure.

I know, this September will be so tough for me, and so with the people I might meet later on. But I'm sure I can cope with this because I'm strong, or so my granny told me constantly from birth.

I CAN live happily without you. Afterall, I do better off without you.

So September, please be nice to me and help me healing.


PS: Babyblue.. no thanks for ruining my life..

Never wonder land

Photo by: fanpop.com

“Kau kekanak-kanakkan!”

“Cerewet! Selalu ingin tahu! Urusi saja urusanmu sendiri.”

 “Aku lelah. Kapan kau mau cari kerja untuk menafkahi aku dan anak-anakmu?”

“Kalau kau lapar, kau bisa jual kucing atau kelincimu  yang tak berguna itu.”

“Berhenti bermain-main. Kita tidak sama lagi seperti dulu.”

“Tapi perasaanmu selalu berubah! Sebentar bahagia, sebentar marah-marah.”

“Tapi aku tetap sama, mencintaimu apa adanya.”

“Walaupun aku tetap menemuinya?”

“Toh dia sudah nenek renta. Aku tak akan khawatir.”

“Aku mencintaimu, Alice.”

“Aku mencintaimu, Peter.”

Made complicated

Home alone. All of my family went out of town.

Tonite is Iedul Fitri night. If it is me several years ago, I will surely celebrate it with all of family instead of being alone in my room writing on my blog.. and sleep

But now all are changed. I don't know what has happened in me or what has happened with the value of holidays, I just feel it's fine to be completely alone in this kind of night.

I'm not even complaining when I need to take care the house.

What makes me sad is only what my babyblue said to me: "I feel sad for you bb, it's not because that you're alone or what, it's because I feel that you don't celebrate it."

STAB!!

I do celebrate it. In my own way. Yeah.. at least that's what I'm believing.

Come on, I've been striving to hold all of my desires for about almost 30 days, and when it's all over I'm not celebrating it?? What am I? A nuts?!

This is the problem with our society.

Things are just made complicated. Why couldn't we live as what our heart says? If we like it take it if not then don't.

To me, life's so simple. Choices are only yes or no.

Apparently, this is my curse yet my bless. I can always take fast move whenever urgent things happen, but most of the time, my move is not good ones so I need to rewind it over and over again.

This actually reflects on my writing here. It doesn't written smoothly.

Sorry for that, I keep on learning XD


HAPPY IED MUBARAK!!

Anxiety

Photo by: Mari Z on Flickr

One of my friend, Indriani last nite texted me on facebook. She asked me to proofread her blog writing.

And I was like; Whatttt???!! Who?? Me?!! No way, Jose!!

indri's good at writing actually. Even wayyyy better than me. It's all because that she has been a journalist for about a year ago besides she's an active blogger.

But last nite, to my surprise, she asked me to edit her writing. Well then I found out why she asked me to do that, it's all because she wrote it in English.

English is one of Indri's anxiety's source. Oh my!! Who's not?

She feels her English is imperfect.

I wonder why, how on earth a girl like Indri can be so worried about things in her life as I know her, she is a carefree girl and always happy go lucky. She's brave and very extrovert.

But then I realize, nobody's perfect. All have their own anxiety over things they feel they are not good at.

And that's why I believe, we are all unique. God himself has created us in such a way so we can be the winner of our own life to  give meaning of life God has given to us.

Well, Indri... you do really need to get use writing in neglish :p

Viva la stalk!!

Stalking is better than studying

Hari ini, seharusnya saya belajar untuk tes kompre nanti.

Tapi, lihat apa yang saya lakukan?

morning face for the need of study!

Saya malah sibuk stalking kakak perempuan salah seorang kawan saya.

Well, okay, I know it’s impolite to unknowingly peeking on someone else’s life but I’m extremely needing a distraction, or an inspiration, whatever. I wanted to know what does she have that I don’t.

Menelisik soal kehidupan wanita ini sangat menarik. Bagi saya, dia adalah representasi wanita modern saat ini, independen, dan tahu apa yang dimauinya.

Well, apapun pendapat saya soal si wanita ini, yang paling penting dan harus disoroti di sini adalah betapa mudahnya bagi saya, di jaman sekarang ini, untuk menguntit kehidupan pribadi seseorang. Hanya melalui facebook, twitter, dan blog seseorang, saya bisa tahu apa saja soal orang itu. Oh, betapa langkanya privasi saat ini ya?

Saya jadi berpikir, apakah teknologi benar-benar membawa kebaikan bagi kemaslahatan umat manusia di dunia? To me, technology does given chances to compare my personal qualities with others, facts I found sometimes hurt but in a fun way.

For you, the answer lays deep down in your mind because I’m completely sure that you guys must've experienced the same thing with me. But we’re human being, it’s normal to have some insecurities, and it’s so normal to have the need to be compared with, only to find that you also have something more.

The Beast!

Chairil Anwar portrait. Photo: fataranaku.blogspot.com

Chairil Anwar adalah legenda sastra di negeri Indonesia.

Oke, karena saya ingin mengenlakan sang pujangga pada dunia, saya akan menulis dalam bahasa universal :D

Chairil Anwar is Indonesia foremost poet. He was born in Medan, July, 26, 1922. It is the same year when Jack Kourac was born. Yeah, maybe those who have free spirit were born in 20s :D

His parents got divorced and he moved to Jakarta after finishing high school.

The young Chairil Anwar get inspired by the work of W.H. Auden, Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, Nitsche, and many more.

It's not only literature that got this young poet, he also known for his particular interest to women. In some of his work, there are several girls mentioned such as Ida, Sri Ayati, Gadis Rasyid, Mirat, dan Roosmeini, but finally he married Hapsah. However, their marriage could not last long. It was only 7 months. Not so long after that, he died.

During his life, he created many of beautiful poems such as AKU and KRAWANG-BEKASI.

Chairil Anwar, died too young but it's fine so he would not feel sorrow more longer. Rest in peace Binatang Jalang. May your soul meet the 27 club :D

MODAL MADUL!

Saya tahu saya sudah tidak muda lagi.

Tapi tetap saja saya ingin bergaya.

Ceritanya, saya baru melihat grup geng saya di facebook, lalu, salah seorang reka geng saya memposting video tutorial memakai kerudung ala Hana Tajima Simpson.

Spontan, saya langsung tertarik buat mengunduh dan mencobanya. Bahkan sayapun dengan bangganya menunjukkan video itu pada teman saya: Indriani :D

Lalu, saya, dengan semangat perang badar yang berapi-api mencoba gaya si nona blasteran Jepun-Londo ini, tapi... it went all wrong!

GUA GA BISA!!

Dan inilah hasilnya:

Penting! Tips Agar Tidak Haus Saat Puasa.

1. Saat sahur, usahakan tidak makan makanan berlemak, berminyak, atau bersantan. Makanan berminyak akan menimbulkan panas lebih di kerongkongan.

Selain itu harga minyak mahal cuy! Jadi tidak dianjurkan buka dengan minyak :D



2. Makan sayuran berkuah bening saat sahur. Selain segar dan tidak menimbulkan panas, kandungan airnya tinggi serta memberi banyak asupan vitamin yang baik untuk kebugaran tubuh.

Selain itu, sayuran mengandung serat yang lama dicerna oleh tubuh. Sehingga, rasa kenyang berlangsung lebih lama.

Harganyapun biasanya lebih murah dibanding daging-dagingan! Jadi, bagi siapa saja yang uang makannya belum turun, bisa makan dengan sayur sebanyak-banyaknya.

3. Jangan terlalu banyak meminum teh manis. Sebab, akan memicu produksi urin yang lebih dari biasanya.

Kalau lihat saya yang manis, boleh ajaaaa... muwahahahaha!

4. Mulailah berbuka puasa dengan minuman hangat untuk menghindari radang tenggorokan. Kalau langsung minum air dingin, saluran pencernaan akan ‘kaget’.

Oo.. saluran pencernaan bisa kaget juga ya? Baru tau saya.. Lain kali buka pake mercon ah, biar seru! hihi..

Stranger In My Own Home

Sudah tiga bulan aku tinggal sendiri.

Di sebuah kamar kosan kecil berukuran 3 kali 4 aku memulai hidup baruku. Berteman dengan orang-orang baru.
Dan kali ini, adalah kepulanganku yang ketiga ke rumah Ibu di Bandung.
Entah bagaimana, tiba-tiba aku merasa asing di rumah ini.
Aku merasa aku seharusnya tak ada di sini.

Semua sudah berubah.

Rumah Ibu terasa sangat bersih dan kamar-kamar jadi terlampau harum. Barang-barang bebas debu dan super kilap hingga aku takut kalau-kalau aku meninggalkan bekas jari setiap menyentuhnya.
Hanya dalam waktu tiga bulan, sehari di rumah ini membuatku bosan setengah mati.
Enthalah..

Mungkin aku ini anak yang paling tak berhati.

Tapi sumpah mati aku jemu dengan omelan Ibu pada Lilis, pembantu kami di rumah. Pada bisikan-bisikan serunya soal gosip para tetanggateranyarpadaku.
Aku muak dengan keluhan-keluhan kedua kakakku soal sakit ini itu yangdirasakannya.

Aku JENGAH!!

Ibu, maafkan aku karena JEMU. Aku tahu aku tak tahu malu. Tapi sungguh, hatiku sudah beku.

CABUTTT!!!

Ini adalah perjalananku yang pertama naik kereta, pulang kampung bersama seorang teman.
Namanya Panji.
Kami telah merencanakan perjalanan ini sejak seminggu yang lalu.
Orang-orang tahu aku bukan tipe pemberani yang punya nyali untuk membolos dari apapun.

Bahkan kakakkupun bertanya begini saat aku tiba-tiba mengabarinya aku akan pulang Hari ini:
Mbak Kris: “Maneh beneran arep pulang? Libur gitu? Kok Kamis-Kamis mulih?”
(Kamu beneran mau pulang? Libur gitu? Kok hari Kamis pulang?)
Aku: “Enggak. Aku mbolos!”
Mbak Kris: “Lah, numben wani!”
(Lah, numben berani!)

Yah, begitulah..
Keluargaku saja tahu betapa pengecutnya aku.
Tapi, aku punya alasan yang super kuat mengapa aku nekat ingin kabur ke Bandung.
Pertama, dan yang paling kuat adalah: SAYA TIDAK SUKA KELAS TV!!
Saya muak dengan ketidakpastian saat belajar dengan orang-orang dari TV. Sudah berkali-kali, saya dan kawan-kawan dikecewakan oleh jadwal-jadwal tak tentu. Belum lagi ulasan-ulasan dangkal soal penyombongan diri karir orang-orang tertentu.
Maaf, bukannya saya sok-sok-an protes atau apa, tapi saya sudah FED UP!!
Kedua, saya kangen dengan orang-orang yang saya cintai: ibu dan kawan-kawan lama saya.
Ketiga, saya butuh waktu untuk istirahat.
Keempat, saya ingin refreshing. Melupakan hal-hal buruk di Jakarta.

Oke, kembali ke kronologis membolos saya yang melibatkan KEBERANIAN itu.
Jadi, pada hari Kamis, saya dan Panji sudah sepakat untuk segera ke Stasiun Gambir tepat pukul 3.
Rencana sudah tersusun rapih. Tiket kereta api bisnis pp Jakarta-Bandung yang kami pesan kemarin sudah aman di dompet saya. Barang bawaanpun sudah siap.
Seperti biasa, orang-orang TV datang terlambat. Pukul 11 mereka baru masuk kelas. Memberi feedback seadanya soal pengambilan gambar reportase kami pada hari sebelumnya dan dengan gampangnya menyuruk kami keluar lagi untuk mengambil gambar-gambar yang kurang.
Karena dari awal kami sudah tidak suka, maka, tak satu kelompokpun yang rela beranjak.
Kami makanpun makan siang. Lalu main komputer sepuasnya.
Menjelang pukul 3, Panji memberi isyarat padaku untuk cabut dari kelas. Akupun segera menyambar ransel dan berpamitan pada satu dua orang yang cukup dekat denganku.

Kamipun setengah berlari menuruni tangga menuju pintu keluar.
Sial!
Tepat di depan pintu keluar, Sang Maestro sedang duduk santai menghisap rokok sambil mengobrol dengan seorang teman kami.
Melihat kami berdua keluar membawa tas, Sang Maestro menanyai kami mau pergi ke mana.
Kami bilang kami mau pulang.
Maestro melarang kami, tanggung, katanya. Tunggu sebentar lagi.
Dia sama sekali tak tahu, dalam sejarahnya yang panjang, kereta tak pernah mau menunggu dua siswa pembolos seperti kami.
Kamipun duduk tak tenang sambil sesekali mengecek jam tangan seolah dengan berbuat begitu waktu akan membeku.

Akhirnya, setelah penantian yang gelisah, orang-orang TV yang tadi pergi kembali, kali ini, entah mengapa, jumlah mereka berlipat ganda.
Tanpa menunggu lama, Panji segera beraksi.
Dia minta ijin untuk sembahyang. Aku, yang saraf kepekaannya tumpul malah menimpali agar kami sembahyang di SANA saja. Setelah momen kaku beberapa detik, aku meralat ucapanku: di atas saja! Iya, di sana!

Akhirnya kami berhasil LOLOS! Lari, pontang-panting ke luar. Naik bajaj, turun Gambir, membeli makan dan minum seadanya lalu mengirim pesan dan beberapa foto tentang kegemilangan kami pada kawan2 yang masih terjebak di dalam kelas bersama MEREKA! Haha!

Terinspirasi dari salah seorang teman yang menulis di blog-nya tentang SURAT CINTA yang dilayangkan padanya oleh beberapa teman SUSDAPE (Kursus Dasar Pewarta), saya juga ingin melakukan hal yang sama.
Surat cinta yang dimaksud di sini adalah feed back dari teman-teman yang telah bersama-sama mengikuti SUSDAPE selama hampir tiga bulan.

Saya mendapat 7 kertas feedback. Berikut isi surat tersebut dan pembelaan diri saya:
1. Aku suka kamu karena: LUCU DAN PINTAR
Aku harap kamu: JANGAN MINDER

Saya memang lucu tapi tidak pintar. Dan sering tidak pede, jadi terkesan minder.
Oke, setelah ini, mudah2an saya jadi lebih percaya dengan diri saya sendiri!
***************************************************************************
2. Aku suka kamu karena:BAIK, LUCU DAN PINTAR SERTA PANTANG MENYERAH
Aku harap kamu: DAPAT MELIHAT ORANG LAIN SECARA LEBIH DALAM DAN DEKAT AGAR TIDAK TERJADI SALAH PAHAM, DAN JANGAN HANYA IKUTI KATA ORANG LAIN

Saya, pantang menyerah??
Saya baru tahu! Hehe..

Soal melihat orang secara mendalam dan menngikuti kata orang lain.. saya tahu betul apa yang saya lakukan. Saya 25 tahun dan bisa memutuskan siapa-siapa yang patut saya dengar dan abaikan. Jadi, untuk sementara, harapan itu mungkin belum bisa saya wujudkan :p
***************************************************************************
3. Aku suka kamu karena: KAMU SERU, KEADAAN JADI RAME KLO ADA KAMU
Aku harap kamu: TETEP JADI IDA YANG PERIANG YA!

Wah! Saya merasa diri saya seperti petasan membaca feedback yang ini, SERU dan RAME!
Insy. Saya akan tetap riang!
***************************************************************************
4. Aku suka kamu karena: BAIK HATI, PEMAAF, HUMORIS, APA ADANYA
Aku harap kamu: KERENLAH...

Hihi.. saya tersipu2 sendiri membaca feedback ini, rasanya saya sangat sempurna bak malaikat tanpa cela 
***************************************************************************
5. Aku suka kamu karena:
-SELERA LAGUNYA OKE (BACA: SAMA)
-RAME
-BAIK, LEMBUT
Aku harap kamu:
-LEBIH PEDE
-LEBIH MANDIRI

Ooh, bahagianya! Baru pertama kali ada orang yang mengatakan selera musik saya oke.
Selama ini teman-teman saya menyebut selera musik saya AJAIB dan tak masuk akal, hihi..

Ya, saya memang merasa kurang mandiri. Kutukan anak bungsu -___-!
***************************************************************************
6. Aku suka kamu karena:
-KAMU ORANGNYA PERIANG
-POSITIVE THINKING BANGET
Aku harap kamu:
-BISA LEBIH INDEPENDEN DALAM MENGAMBIL SIKAP
-LEBIH PERCAYA SAMA KEMAMPUAN LUAR BIASA YANG KAMU PUNYA

I’m not a saint. Terkadang pikiran-pikiran buruk menghampiri isi kepala. Hanya saja, saya tidak mungkin memberi porsi lebih dari energi saya untuk terus bergelut dengan itu.

Kemampuan luar biasa? What is that, I wonder??? Hehe..
***************************************************************************
7. Aku suka kamu karena: BAIK HATI, TIDAK SOMBONG, RAJIN DAN TIDAK PELIT.. BETUL?
Aku harap kamu: JANGAN SERING KHAWATIR DA! SEMUA BISA DIOBROLKAN.. SPT GSM WAE..

Sering khawatir???
Hihi.. yeah, sulit untuk tidak khawatir di lingkungan-lingkungan baru, Kawan. Tapi oke, I’ll cope with that :D

SOLO CAMP!

Hari Minggu kemarin saya mengikuti acara outbound di suatu tempat di kota Bogor yang dingin. (Mungkin) sama seperti ke15 teman SUSDAPE lainnya, saya sangat antusias mengikuti acara itu.

Acara outbound itu diadakan untuk menyosialisasikan budaya perusahaan pada kami-kami calon pewarta baru.

Acara berlangsung lancar dan seru. Seperti layaknya acara outbound di mana saja, acara outbound kemarin bertujuan untuk membawa kami out of the boundaries. Pada awalnya, outbound terasa sangat membosankan karena kami terlalu lelah setelah perjalanan hampir 3 jam terkunci dalam bangku bus yang sempit. Sementara, coaches –nya tak pernah bisa berhenti menceramahi kami soal motivasi basi.

Selama outbound, kami manut-manut mengikuti hal-hal yang dianggap perlu dalam setiap ajang memotivasi diri seperti melakukan games2 penuh makna, solo camp, dan rafting. Semuanya merupakan yang pertama kalinya bagi saya.

Bagi saya, yang paling berkesan dalam seluruh rangkaian kegiatan itu adalah SOLO CAMP!! Seperti arti terjemahan harfiahnya, Solo Camp adalah kegiatan berkemping sendirian.

Menjelang pukul 1 dini hari, kami ber16 digiring untuk jalan berbaris-baris menggendong ransel besar berisi ponco loreng, matras karet untuk alas tidur, sebatang lilin, korek api, garam halus, sebungkus wafer dan perment mint. Kami juga dibekali sebuah amplop berisi lembar-lembar formulir untuk diisi.

Malam itu, satu persatu peserta dicabut dari barisan dan diperintahkan untuk mengambil posisi di sudut-sudut semak belukar yang gelap. Saya, kebagian sebuah tempat di bawah naungan pohon jati kurus di antara batang pisang. Mengerikan, memang!

Bulu kuduk saya langsung meremang saat membentangkan matras di atas rumput basah yang dingin. Sungguh, rasanya saya ingin buang air besar saking takutnya. Lalu, saya meneguhkan hati dan menebarkan garam secara serampangan sambil komat-kamit membaca doa yang saya sendiri tak tahu betul apa artinya. Saya menyalakan lilin, memakai ponco dan duduk diam, waspada.

Semenit, dua menit, alam begitu sunyi. Hanya ada degup jantung, erangan parau gagak, semilir angin malam, dan bulan sabit pucat yang menggantung di langit kelam. Entah bagaimana, tiba-tiba jiwa saya menjadi tenang. Seolah saya sudah menjadi bagian dari ekosistem semak itu sejak berpuluh tahun lalu.

Saat itu juga saya menyadari, saya sedang direngkuh oleh alam. Oh indahnya!

World Class Hero: CHIBI MARUKO

I recently re-watched the Japanese dorama series: CHIBI MARUKO!

And suddenly, I find there are many similarities between the little me and this 9 years old Maruko. Even up till now, I still feel that I'm lazy.

Well, to be quiet hones, I'm lazy, disorganized and used to be late for school.

I used to avoid homework and chores.

The only different is maybe, Maruko has dotting grand Pa, while me, I have a very strict grand Pa who stick to his Javanese cultural values. Oh, writing this making me miss him :(

Nevertheless, I'm also a well-meaning girl who tries to do good *wink!wink!*

Maruko is indeed can be included to be one of my world class heroes, because she's true. Even if she sometimes does silly things, she never pretends to be someone else. And i really want to do that.

It's hard to be our selves sometimes.

HATRED

HATRED is defined as a severe dislike.


It synonyms with words which have negative connotation such as: antagonism, antipathy, bitterness, coldness, disapproval, disgust, envy, grudge, hard feelings, hate, horror, loathing, prejudice, revenge, scorn, spite, and venom.


Hatred is infectious. It spreads like diseases. When it does, it can result in extreme behavior such as violence, murder, war.


In psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud defined HATE as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness.


Hate is the two eyed blade, it can give relieve when we can wipe out the source of our happiness. However, it can be very dangerous when we abuse it.


I don't like to hate, but somehow I can't escape from that feeling.


Many things can chain me to hatred. For example is people around me.


When I'm in an environment that make me impossible to escape that feeling, I feel helpless. At first, people around me seems to be very supportive but at last I realize that I was dragged deeper and deeper to the swirl of hate.


I just want PEACE in my mind, heart, and soul.


So people, please help me to find one. Being hated or hating isn't cool! What are we? A group of high-school-ers?

A LESSON TO LEARN

Dunia itu abu-abu, Sayang. 

Maka pandai-pandailah mengarang. 

Agar puas semua orang.

 

11 MINUTES

 

Recently, I read another book of Paulo Cuelho: 11 Minutes.

To me, this book is just OK. It's not as good as the previous book I read from Cuelho; The Alchemist.

Maybe it's because of the language. I read this book in Bahasa Indonesia, so I don't get the soul of the wisdom because the for some books, when it is adapted into other language, something is missing.

That's why, it takes me more than 2 months to finish it.

However, still, there are many memorable quotes I remember from this book;

"The great aim of every human being is to understand the meaning of total love. Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with."

Eleven Minutes

From Maria's Diary.

That quote is just true. Because..

Humans can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. It is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings.
Eleven Minutes

MASQUERADE

Based on the dictionary, the words MASQUARADE can be defined as a NOUN which means: 

a party, dance, or other festive gathering of persons wearing masks and other disguises, and often elegant, historical, or fantastic costumes. 

Why would I need to bring up this word to write here? It is all because I think LIFE IS such a COLOSSAL FESTIVE GATHERING. Yes, life is FUN and gaiety. In our life, we laugh more than cry, no matter what the cause is. 

So as to we can continue to exist in this joviality life, we need to take part in celebrating it, we need to MASQUARADE.

Yes, people are essentially playing pretend in order to survive. We wear masks and other disguises to be accepted by others because of the basic human character that need others' acceptance in order to continue living. 

We always want to please others so they can accept our existence among them. Just imagine how bad it is hurt us to be rejected. Naturally, human can not deal with the rejection. That is why, instead of being rejected and being hurt, we try to negotiate the condition by lowering our standard and sincerely agree to fulfill others expectations over us.

If you ask me, MASQUERADE-ing in life is fine; however, we can not distort the meaning. I mean, to please others by putting on costumes they wish to see on us is tolerable, as long as those costumes do not change who we are or worst, those costumes are used to deceive others.

 In real life, I find people who abuse this MASQUARADE. They exploit their masks and costumes to be able to enter to any group of people.

They change their masks so often in order to acquire their own importance. They even have a heart to hurt others for the sake of their interest. 

Sadly, not all can notice this type of person, only several who are aware. And that is the hardest part, because as the minority, we can not convince others to believe in something that only us who see it.

SHMILY

A heart-tearing love story from one of my favorite blog.. enjoy!!
***********************************************************************************

My grandparents were married for over half a century, and played their own special game from the time they had met each other. The goal of their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more.

They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whoever was preparing the next meal. They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring.

"Shmily" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath. At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave shmily on the very last sheet.

There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up. Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmily" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace. This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture.

It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection which not everyone is lucky enough to experience.

Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble.

My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome an old man he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em." Before every meal they bowed heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other.

But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' life: my grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that color so she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.

Now the cancer was once again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they still went to church every morning. But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.

"Shmily." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother's funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time.

Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother's casket and, taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby.

Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew then that, although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.

S-h-m-i-l-y: See How Much I Love You.

Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for letting me see.

By Laura Jeanne Allen
***********************************************************************************

A day after I posted this, I told story to one of my close friend eagerly, but then she said she's read this when she was in Junior High -____- This is one of the story from the Chicken Soup for the Soul, she said!

things you cannot recover in life

Three things you cannot recover in life: 

1. The moment after it’s missed.

2. The word after it’s said.

3. The time after it’s wasted

Most of the times, I regret those thing s I can't recover in my life. After doing something really bad, saying awful thing about my friends or wasting time by doing nothing makes me want rewind all of those times.

But time is something that is out of our control. We do not have power over mastering time, but we do have always a chance to manage time. 

Thus, for now on and beyond, I'll do my best in making my time worth it. And more importantly, I will think carefully on words I say. I'll process more thoughtfully on every syllable come out of my mouth because I do know now how bad it is hurt by bad words.

5 Years From Now On (Self Affirmation)

Five Years from now on it will be 2016..

In 2016 the world will change greatly.
As seen in most of sci-fi movies, our world may be greatly influenced by technology to the extend that we would've never imagined. Our way of communication may change from merely mobile phone to something more sophisticated like using hologram technique or so.

But how about me.. at that time I will turn to be 31 years old.

Being 31, I will be the very happiest person in the world #hopefully!#

I will be an expertise journalist, I will have already been to every country in the world to cover on issues I care about such as gender bias and education. I will fight to promote fairness and freedom in making this world to be a better place to live in. My writings will influence many people to make good decisions.

In my 31 of age, I will be free from hatred. I will spread only love to every one.

I will be married to an astronomer or a painter or a dorky loving physicist who appreciate my work and support me with all I do. He will be not more than 45, red heads or has silver hair, wearing glasses like me :p, and can speak at least 5 different language. Or he can be an Indian or African, but definitely not Japanese, Korean, or Chinese or Australian :p (Trust me, It's all a matter of personal taste, nothing to do with race or anything!)

Me and my husband met when I was 26 at a one fine day in May or June. I love him because he is my musical soul mate. He sings me Radiohead's song and know all about MEW.

I will have already a smart and beautiful son of 1. He will looks like his granny. He likes to gaze the sky and paint doodles, and sing. His first word will be Love. And he will be raised in a politically correct slash hippy slash happy family.

When I'm 31, all of my friends will love me and my family are happy. I will have a nice house in Sweden or Denmark as mu husband work there. I will gain my ideal weight and be more healthy.

See you in next five years, hope all can be realized!

Ice Cream Solve Everything!

I used to cry on phone to one of my friend in my heartbroken days,, and he suggested me to have an ice cream..

He said ice cream will melt down my emotion, and it did works.

Thanks for you!

Facts About Crying

Crying is needed.

It is not only an effective way to flush out your negative emotions but it also good for health.

Crying is said to have power to relieve heartbreak and dispose those of harmful toxins in our body.

When your heartbroken, just cry! But, do you know there are some facts over crying? Here we go:

Based on report as quoted from the Wall Street Journal, richer women cry more than poorer women.

Crying is in fact not the same in every language. People cry in different melody based on their cultural background.

In most society, men cry less than women, but, as men age, they tend to cry more easily.

Whenever men see women cry, they detect a unique chemical component in tears, and it surprisingly discourage them from feeling sexually aroused.

So, no matter what cause you cry, whenever you need to wash away your sad emotions, just let it out!

In fact, the after effects are incredible, most people will feel better after crying (^^)
 

Firts Published Report!!

Whaaaa!! My first published news report!! Wickeddd!!! 

So, my first report is finally published and the last hit I checked is 421!! So awesommmeee!! 

Knowing this, the feeling is just a bliss. All of the weariness during the investigation on the spot is all paid only by seeing my name that is typed in a small corner at the end of the article. 

Thanks Rabb for giving me this opportunity to feel this kind of feeling. Being a newbie journalist is not that easy. Especially when I have to interview people. Before this, I've been always shy and can't open a conversation with others especially strangers. But now, with this profession, I'm required to be brave!!

Ok, as long as God with me, nothing's to fear about. This is the link to my published news:

http://www.antaranews.com/berita/257408/ada-asean-corner-di-museum-nasional

Me with one of my correspondent; lovely Lucy from San Fransisco!!!

 

KITA SEMUA SAMA

So...
I'm backkk!!
This time... I'm here with the new chapter of my life's story. I'm on my way to become a journalist, hopefully.. *pray for that every nite, lol*

For being that, I have to live on my own. I have to move out to Jakarta and live by myself in a small boarding house. Well, I thought, at first, that will be so cool. I'll have my freedom and I can decide everything based on my personal thought. But then, it turns out that living alone is not quite cool. I have to do everything by my self. I need to take care of my self starting from getting food and the cleaning and laundry... NOOOOO!!! So tiring!

Besides, on being a journalist, I barely have no experiences. Compared to all of my friends, I'm just a hollow Styrofoam while they're all knowledge-full brainy. Anyway.. I keep on believing that we are all same here. I'll try my best to realize my dream to be a journalist.

Me at Gallery Foto Journalistic Antara, YES, I CAN!!

But, the funny thing is.. every time I'm asked my reason to be a journalist, it seems like I can't find the correct answer. All I know is that I want to see the world from many different angles through many eyes. I want to experience life from diverse perspectives because as long as I live, I don't have that chance. I need to talk and meet with many people.

Well, I'll keep on updating for the next news. Hopefully I can survive with this programme.

My comfy new room, yayyyyy!!!! The beauty is on the scatter-ness, hihi..

back on track!

So.. Now, I start to work again.

My job is so awesome.

I get paid to have chit and chat with people. Well, yeah, at first it is hard fr me to speak to others face to face. I remember how I was sweating on my first meeting with a soldier guy. My new boss here is so kind, she's so open minded and liberate the tutors to explore our creativity.

I also have some free times to do my things like writing this blog. Well, yeah it's maybe not my dream job but at least I can fill my spare time by doing something important.

Doing this job, I could have chances to talk to many people with diverse background. It is not only them who are learning in this learning center but me also get so many precious knowledge from their life. And I think it is same like being a journalist. I consider this job as a good opportunity for my training to be a journalist someday. Here, I learn how to listen to people's story and react to their story.

It's so cool.

Keep on Questioning.. Keep on Living Your Life!!

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

Friedrich Nietzsche

I was talking with TEITURRR!!!!!!!!

How many times you've dreamed yourself having conversation with your favorite musician? Me??? millions times! And somehow, I had this opportunity to ask one of my musician heroes; TEITUR, about a petty question.. This is the very short conv. I had on his facebook wall:

Me:
Hi.. except your own song, what is the most played song on your play list right now? ♥

Teitur:
Ars Nova, a very good choir.

Me:
Nice. I'm not familiar with that but I was just Googling it. It sounds so peaceful. Thank you for your time answering this. Always love your music ♥

Teitur:
Cool. It's the Danish one.. I think there are several Ars Nova choirs if you google.

Me:
Yeah, I found example of Ars Nova composed by Guillaume de Machaut, performed by Capilla Flamenca from Wikipedia, hahhaha..


Ohh, I'm so happy, even though today I had a bad day since I lost my mobile phone

Smells Like Teen Spirit!!

Having no job is awesome. It gives me a chance to catch up things I've missed with my bff.. And having a lot of free times makes me and my best friend act just like teenagers

Here are some of the evidences. We went cam crazy again.. Rika. Oh,, how lucky I am to have you with me during this hard time

This pose was inspired by one of a model we saw.. Yeah, we dream to be a supermodel!! jajajaja..

BFF!

Yesterday me and Rika just had our hair done in beauty salon. But seemingly, Rika doesn't like her hair as much as I do

Yeah, Rika is having an obsession to be a catalog's girl model, and she has a theory that such model always hold the products they promote like this, hahahha..

This one also Rika's catalog girl's pose

Oh, I LOVE Mr. Pann!!

We called this as KTP pose! Bcz, it's so formal like in our ID card, hahaha..

I don't know what is this, but Rika called this as her duck mouth pose!

This is our MANOHARA pose!

This is also our MANOHARA pose!

Friendship's awesome!!

Yes, you better get shocked to see this, hihihi...