Rest in peace, Daddy..

May angesl lead you in

My life isn’t a fairytale. It’s confirmed today when suddenly I realize that I will never have that beautiful wedding with my dad besides me.

He’s gone.

For good.

Even before I’ve ever had a chance to hear the word: I love you from his lips.

Last nite he passed away, and now, I’m sitting here on the train seat,

Alone

Crying for no reasons..

#Beatles song: for no one is on my winamp while I'm writing this, DAMN IT HURTS!!

On my way back to Bandung to meet my mom, to be honest, I don’t know why I run to my mom hearing this news.

My mom is completely okay. I know it from her sound on phone when I called her.

So, it’s all about me.

I told others that I need to make sure about my mom’s condition before I decide to fly to my dad’s grave. But now, I think I’m not doing this for my mom. I retreat from my routine and duty in order to make sure about my own condition.

I need to meet my mom to get a hold on something I can confide in. I need to save myself.

There was wrath.

Apparently, my dad has wound me deep. The scar seems like never can be cured.

Up till a couple minutes ago, I feel anger in my heart and soul because of all what he did to me. As  far as I can remember, I’ve been blaming him for all of the miseries that life bring me. 

He is the cause.

He is the source.

But now I let him go. Go with all of my dark sides.

It’s the whole new start for me. Afterall, I’ve already taken my dad as dead from the day I understand how does it feel to be hurt.

So, to be honest, it gives no different to me.

That is why, I don’t know why I’m crying now.

Maybe I cry for all of those memories that I should have with him. For all of those precious times that we both should’ve spent together.

Now. That chance is over.

And I have no regrets.

Feel so lucky

Every cloud has silver lining. The sun will eventually shining after the heavy storm.

The best part about this is.. I have friends who are always with me. They come to calm me down on each of their own way. Some show the real emphaty and hold me. Let me shed my tears on their shoulders. Some pretend like they don’t care, avoiding physical contacts but checking me all the time through texts.

And some trying to make me laugh. Some just let me silent and sleep.

Oh, I feel so lucky.

My friends out of the train window glass, wait for my train to depart.

 

And goodbye, Daddy.. may angels lead you in.