Rest in peace, Daddy..

May angesl lead you in

My life isn’t a fairytale. It’s confirmed today when suddenly I realize that I will never have that beautiful wedding with my dad besides me.

He’s gone.

For good.

Even before I’ve ever had a chance to hear the word: I love you from his lips.

Last nite he passed away, and now, I’m sitting here on the train seat,

Alone

Crying for no reasons..

#Beatles song: for no one is on my winamp while I'm writing this, DAMN IT HURTS!!

On my way back to Bandung to meet my mom, to be honest, I don’t know why I run to my mom hearing this news.

My mom is completely okay. I know it from her sound on phone when I called her.

So, it’s all about me.

I told others that I need to make sure about my mom’s condition before I decide to fly to my dad’s grave. But now, I think I’m not doing this for my mom. I retreat from my routine and duty in order to make sure about my own condition.

I need to meet my mom to get a hold on something I can confide in. I need to save myself.

There was wrath.

Apparently, my dad has wound me deep. The scar seems like never can be cured.

Up till a couple minutes ago, I feel anger in my heart and soul because of all what he did to me. As  far as I can remember, I’ve been blaming him for all of the miseries that life bring me. 

He is the cause.

He is the source.

But now I let him go. Go with all of my dark sides.

It’s the whole new start for me. Afterall, I’ve already taken my dad as dead from the day I understand how does it feel to be hurt.

So, to be honest, it gives no different to me.

That is why, I don’t know why I’m crying now.

Maybe I cry for all of those memories that I should have with him. For all of those precious times that we both should’ve spent together.

Now. That chance is over.

And I have no regrets.

Feel so lucky

Every cloud has silver lining. The sun will eventually shining after the heavy storm.

The best part about this is.. I have friends who are always with me. They come to calm me down on each of their own way. Some show the real emphaty and hold me. Let me shed my tears on their shoulders. Some pretend like they don’t care, avoiding physical contacts but checking me all the time through texts.

And some trying to make me laugh. Some just let me silent and sleep.

Oh, I feel so lucky.

My friends out of the train window glass, wait for my train to depart.

 

And goodbye, Daddy.. may angels lead you in.

GLAMOROUS MORNING

It's 8:36am on Saturday.

I'm sitting here at my computer with a cup of hot green tea in my hands.

The weather is scorching as usual, but I am still looking out of my balcony watching the silent buildings out there.

So this is what it's going to feel like on my morning every Saturday in Jakarta.

I thought I would just sit down at my computer and give it a whirl before I head off to do.. I don't know.

Good morning world!

New comer: Day One!

Life is full of surprises, be it good surprise or bad surprise, eventually every living human being will stumble upon those surprises.

To me, one of the most memorable surprises in my life happened yesterday. Yeah, yesterday was the big day of my life. One of those days I need to celebrate because that was the day I join the editorial for the first time. More importantly, that was the first day I join the real team work of my life office.

Well, to my surprise, I got assigned to join the tv department. OMG!! Yes, it was tv! One of departments in journalism that I really try to avoid!!

I suddenly felt spineless once I read tge sched papers in my hand. Well, it's not like I was helpless or what, it's just, the image of tv departments created by my friends and me for the whole of our susdape time is enough to ruin my day. In my head, the pictures of me being bullied and bored in that cramped room are flashing around.

But again, I need to stand up tall on my own feet. So, I walked to that damned room. A girl called Dita, a reporter, greeted me. I said I need to meet the manager but unfortunately the manager was in a meeting. I felt relieved yet anxious. Relieved because I thought I could postpone my laborious training time, anxious because I got worried for what I would become if I never met this manager.

So, I decided to go upstairs joining my friends who are in text editorial department. But then I realized, I should come downstairs and wait rather than roaming around uselessly.

So I went downstairs and wait for the manager patiently while I introduced myself to other staff.

Oh, that was the nighmare!!!

They just played me around. They thought it was funny to play the new comer, their jokes are cheesy but I still had to smile from ear to ear to appreciate.. Whatever! But at least, it could be a good ice breaker. Thanks for all of you guys!!!

And today.. Is going to be another challenge for me. I need to attend at 8.30 while all of my friends at 10. So, I need to be super independet.

Ya Allah, tolong saya... Mudahkanlah semua urusanku hari ini. Ameeen.

SKEPTICAL IS NEEDED, INTO WHAT EXTENT?!

Tomorrow is going to be my first day to enter the real editorial world. My feeling now? Err.. I don't feel anything, honestly.

Well, the editorial desk is such a big mystery for me, even it's like a wonderland to me. It is a place where all of the existence are needed to be questioned, me, is no exception.

For all these times, to be a journalist (hoping to be!), I trained myself to be skeptical, but in a professional way. Because, we need to admit, there are some skeptics that turn to be so annoying. They seem to be always get around you and bug you with endless questions. Really hate that.

Okay, so about this professional skepticism, I do believe that people lie to us all the time. Even those who are so called the honesest of the honest.

Why?

Why do people lie? Because, lie is necessity. It is one of human's natural weapon to be able to survive.

However, lying is bad, or so we are told again and again since we were kids.

People need to lie to escape from being hurt. Really? Yeah, truths awfully hurt and no one would wish to deal with that.

To be hurt means you'll not manage to survive, thus, people lie. Because human naturally can not stand huredt.

But, are you sure that lie can save us from misery? I don't think so. As once we lie, we will not be able to stop it. It will gets piled up and up until it takes over everything.

Keep on hiding truths so you will full of secrets and you feel like you’re going to burst out.

So, back to my skepticism training, all of those facts mentioned above just point out what I intend to say. People are not innocent. They all have motives. And my duty as a journalist (to be) is to reveal those icebergs.

But, to what extent we need to be skeptical, the answer is as far as we get what we want to hear. Again, truths are made. We believe what we want to believe. After all, how do we measure truth?

Gua butuh meja!!

Daddy, how was I born?

Well son Your Mom and I first got together in a chatroom on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Male!’

 

as cited from a friend's tumblr :D