In finding my North

..and i finally came to a conclusion that human are naturally selfish, egocentric.. and up to how we could manage that natural instinct is what make us different from one another.

Yes, again, living here is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm losing myself being here, day by day.. and to keep on writing keeping my sanity intact.

The last few days of September 2012 making me depressed to the maximum point. Maybe it was because of hot weather, maybe it was because how people treated me, or maybe.. maybe, it was because of me. It doesn't matter.

I remembered how I took three sleeping pills at once one night. That was the darkest moment of my life. And I promise myself will never do that again. It was horrible.

I don't know what went wrong in my mind that night, all I could remember is I wanted to skip my life here. I wanted to sleep and being numb until the day someone wake me up and say: YOU ARE NOW SAVE!

But life doesn't go that way. Never! Our life's in our hands. We are responsible to draw our own map lines. And I can't just give up before I finish my draw.

But the thing is.. I'm losing my compass. My "north" seems to get more and more blurry... all of the promises people have ever said to me seems just like fading away. And if so, what more can I believe?