Lightning strike

A whatsapp text popped up from my best friend, it says:

"cant't talk, but please come to my blog"

I caught my breath, I thought somethin bad happenned to her, so with my garry-the-snail-speed internet connection, I rushed hitting on her blog.

Land of Twilight..

That is how she named it.

As the name refers, the blog is so orange-ly bright. I don't know why or how, somehow I feel warm inside my heart once I get in that page.

Then, a picture caught my attention. It's me and her pict on the train couple months ago, last year.

*GASPS*

I read the post.. and I can't hold the pool of the tears on my damped eyes.

Then a fact struck in to me like a lighting in the middle of a hot day:

I am mean.

I've hurt people, especially those I love.

In that blog post I realized how my friend has hurt because of missing me. It's not like I didn't, but who care about my own feeling, right?

She worried about me.

And to think about it again and again, it's all because I keep on complaining and whining about my condition to her, to all people I should love.

Oh God, what did I do? What should I do? :((((

I know now, I should not put on so much burden on them. She is right:

"life gives us choices. And we can choose to be what we are"

I chose, well.. I was forced to choose this path to track on, at least I do my best as they required me to be. But they will not pushed me more far than this because, my friend, I will choose to fight back.

I choose to be a rebel to defend my sanity. Because if I'm not.. I know I'll loosing my mind,

I'm sorry, Dearest friend,, I've never intended to pull you in to this swirl of misery,  virtual big hug for you. Wish we can hang out as we used to.. talking in absence of mind, so blissful.