I'm back!!

Hi, I'm back!!

Sudah empat tahun sejak terakhir saya mengunggah tulisan. Sudah banyak banget yang berubah. Iseng, saya akhirnya menikah pada 2016 dengan pacar di Bandung. Tak ada pesta kecuali makan-makan di rumah. Kawan-kawan dekat datang, terharu dan malu karena tak ada niat undang-undang.

Baru dua minggu menikah, kontrakan belum ada perabotannya, saya hamil. Kalut, tapi pasrah saja, kami beri nama makhluk mungil di perut saya Shanuka Umar.

Kenapa namanya Shanuka?

Saat tahu hamil, aku tahu anakku akan bernama Shanuka, be it a girl or a boy, karena mamak sudah jatuh cinta dengan bunyi "Sha nu ka" saat diucapkan.

Shanuka adalah bahasa tamil, artinya awal baru yang membawa kebahagiaan, rejeki berlimpah dan kemakmuran. Dan dia memang begitu, sekarang anaknya sudah dua tahun dan sejak lahir sudah jadi awal baru buat saya dan Mamad.

Suami lalu menambahkan nama "Althea" di tengah nama Shanuka Umar, diambil dari nama pentolan grup Sonic Youth, Kim Gordon yang nama tengahnya "Althea".

"Althea itu penyembuh, supaya anak ini bisa nyembuhin jiwaku," kata Mamad, sometime in 2017.

So there she is, my gorgeous kid named Shanuka Althea Umar.

Shanuka Althea Umar (28 mos)

Sejak dilahirkan, Shanu enggak pernah nyusahin. She is such a happy kid with a happy soul.

Since i was pregnant, my only pray is to have a happy kid! Karena kalau jiwanya happy, dia akan bisa melalui semua cobaan hidup dengan mulus, enggak ambeg-an kayak emaknya.

Aku dan Mamad membesarkan Shanuka berdua, bergantian, siang, malam. Sibuk, lelah, sering berantem.

Akhirnya Mamad mengalah dan keluar dari pekerjaan untuk mengasuh Shanuka sambil bekerja seadanya, mulai dari ngojek sampai jualan online.

Entah bagaimana, Shanuka tumbuh sehat dan bahagia, perut kami bertiga tak pernah kelaparan dan segalanya jadi lebih jernih.

Kami mulai memikirkan masa depan.

30

Tahun lalu, seperti biasa, kedua mbakku lupa ulang tahunku dan aku masih merengek-rengek "nagih" ucapan dan doa-doa. Tahun ini, mereka tetap lupa dan aku diam saja.

Cuma ibuk yang menelepon pagi-pagi menanyakan kenapa aku kok enggak pulang lama, aku jawab iya nanti saja.

Tahun lalu pacarku malam-malam datang ke kos bawain bunga mawar, tahun ini dia bilang enggak punya uang dan menawarkan "jasa" sebagai hadiah. Jadi aku suruh-suruh dia mulai dari cuci gelas, beres-beres kos, mijitin sampai jemur kasur dan kasih makan kucing (nope m kiddin!).

Kawan-kawan di kantor tetap baik hati dan mengucapkan "selamat ulang tahun, kapan kawin?"

Temen-temen di grup wasap silih berganti mengucapkan selamat, hari itu iPhone-ku nge-hang. Steve Jobs keburu meninggal sebelum menemukan teknologi anti-panas saking banyaknya grup wasap.

Intinya, in my 30s, I feel blessed. God, thanks I made it!!! I have a wonderful life. 

Djarwati-part I

Ask me who's the toughest living thing alive? I'd say women!

I know many women, not ordinary women. I know the most enduring women, be it from misery or even love.

One of them named Djarwati. She is the strongest character I've known in live. She has been a victim of injustice.

She was born in a poor family in a veryyy remote place very far from the glamorous dreams. Education, for this family is a privilege. Something that must be fight for.

As the eldest kid in the family, and above of all as a WOMAN, Djarwati had to give up her dream  to stay at school.

By the age of 12, she had to work with her dad as a merchant. Going in and out filthy markets around town in order to feed the whole family. Those little feet obediently follow wherever her dad's path.

Those fragile little hands was almost broken lifting very heavy bags with many kind of selling goods inside. Any kind of spices, coffee beans, brown sugars.

Feeding 5 kids, was not easy at that time for the family, so the eldest kid should go out of the house. The eldest kid should help the family. That was a time for the eldest kid to pay back all of the kindest the family had given to her. The eldest kid should marry someone rich. And so Djarwati's dad found a man thru suitors for that very little girl.

At the age of 16, Djarwati married a stranger. A man she never met whose age was 26. A man who never said he love her from the first time they met in wedding bed.

She was the prettiest of all the kids in her town. It was not difficult for suitors to get her a man, the old and rich man because she always dressed nice. Her bright complexions that contrasted her dark soft hair and her slender body is magnet to all eyes.

And so she get married. The clueless Djarwati had to agree to marry a complete stranger in a very early age so that her brothers and sisters could continue to get their education. At that time, her mind was full with questions, why me? what should I do? who is he? why can't I play dolls and kite anymore? and most of all, why I can't go to school anymore? what about my friends?

But, no one had ever answered her questions. Those questions were floating around on an empty air. Those questions were floating around the silent wooden rooms among the crickets songs on after-harvested padi fields near her parents' house.

Djarwati is actually a very smart girl. She may talked loud and harsh, but when she was in school, she had always been in the top rank. Even her body was small for kids her age, she outranked most kids in her village, in class and in many games.

That gift was still in her even after she was married. Her husband was unemployed. He bought food to eat, cigarettes and liquors and gambling with his rich family's money.

Djarwati never got money from her new husband. She was smart, she decided to sell food near their little bleak house. The house was happened near a hospital so many visitors come and buy.

First year of marriage, first daughter was born. She was pretty as her mom. Smart as her mom. Brave as her mom. Nothing resembled the father.

That little girl was so helpful. Since the age 2, she helped her mom in the food stall. She was a quite girl. Never cried even her mom got busy in kitchen and food stall serving all the buyers, including those flirtatious truck drivers who happened to stop near hospital. One day, a full cola bottle crates fall down on her while she was sleeping on a small space among the foods ingredients. Blood came streaming down from her eyebrows, but she didn't cry a tear.

Meanwhile the father continued his habit to drink liquors and play gamble. without job, he didn't get the money.He never cared for the baby. He never know what kind of accidents had happened to his child.

His family was fed up giving him money. Knowing his wife's business was growing good, he came to her asking her money. Money he never deserve.

She refused giving. She said the money is for the little daughter to go to school someday. She needed the money to feed the family. She needed the money to buy food ingredient to be sold tomorrow. Her husband was furious. He beat her cruelly.

After all, she was pregnant with second kid. He never accept NO as an answer. When he ask money he did not deserve, he beat her. He beat the daughter.

On the bright day on early April, The second baby was born. She looked alike the father but sweet. She had the prettiest smile and friendliest eyes.

The story got worsen when Djarwati's siblings were growing up. Djarwati's parents were getting old and selling business was not good at that time. So the other kids had to ask money to their eldest sibling.

Djarwati was running out of energy, running out of money, running out of love.

At that kind of situation, the third kid was born. She was born on gloomy rainy day on October. She was the ugliest. She was not look like mother or father. Very thin and sickly.

Could not help the beating and contiguously asked for money by her family, Djarwati reached her limit.

She ran out of the house. Leaving that 40 days old baby. Leaving all of her troubles behind to big city. She ran out to catch her dream. She ran out to have her own time.

She was free.. finally..

Doing happy

Bahagia, menurut KBBI adalah kata benda. Bahagia adalah keadaan atau perasaan senang dan tenteram (bebas dari segala yang menyusahkan).

Does that kind of condition really exist? 

Well, kalau secara harfiah diterjemahkan mentah-mentah, mungkin bahagia itu tidak ada. Yang ada hanyalah penyesuaian-penyesuaian agar setidaknya kita merasa sedikiiiit saja jadi bahagia.

Happines, as a noun, I think is elusive. 

Coba kalau bahagia itu dijadikan kata kerja saja. That would be an endless effort to achieve happines as a noun, and that is so rewarding process!

*bingung kan lau? Gw juga bingung nih*

Inti na mah, bahagia itu kalau dijadikan angan-angan da susah atuh dijalani. Bahagia mah kelakuan, perwujudan dari apa yg lo rasain.

Daaan, ukuran bahagia buat orang-orang itu beda-beda. Which is such a shame, perbedaan kadar ini, seringnya dipake oleh orang-orang yang mulutnya usil buat jadi dewa-dewa moral dan ahli kehidupan.

I'm almost 30, and I've been acting out like I know shits!! Padahal gw bahkan gak tahu apa yang diingini diri ini.

I just wanna DO happy, man!! In early 20's, it really does matter with whom I will be happy with.

But in almost 30, then I reallize, the most important thing is, how I will be happy! Dengan siapa, itu sudah tidak penting lagi. What a weird my heart is.

Bisa dibilang agak self-centered sih, tapi nyatanya begitu. The older u get, the more selfish u will be, hahahaa..

Intinya adalah, jadikan bahagia sebagai kata kerja!! Jangan kata benda!! Kata kerja biasanya lebih aktif sedangkan kata benda bisa pasif. 

Tidak peduli seberat apa beban hidup yang sedang ditanggung, kalau bahagia adalah kata kerja, maka rasanya akan ringan. Because I do happy!!!

Friends too clingy and I'm too-so-not-like-confrontation

Sampai batas apa seorang atau sekelompok teman boleh mendobrak batasan-batasan hidup kita?

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang kehidupan pribadi kita yang dibalut dengan nada mengadili lembut atas nama "kepedulian" untuk kemudian membicarakanmu di belakang, apakah itu wajar?

Pertemanan, menurut saya, bukanlah agen khusus yang harus tahu ini itu. Teman adalah orang yang tahu, dan seharusnya tahu tanpa diberi tahu, kapan temannya butuh privasi. Kalau tindakan fisik dengan mundur dari kelompok masih dirasa kurang eksplisit menyampaikan pesan itu, saya tidak tahu entah apa yang bisa..

Tidak selalu, bersama-sama itu membuat nyaman, dan menjadi terbuka untuk hal-hal tertentu kadang-kadang bukan pilihan yang mengenakkan.

Itu sebabnya, mungkin, saya menjadi seorang escapist (for some reason). Saya gak suka konfrontasi karena menurut saya itu malah jadi tanda bersetuju dengan apa pun yang dipikirkan orang tentang saya. The theory is, the more u defense ur self, the more u likely are as what they say about u.

Seorang teman yang openly declared dirinya tidak menyembah Tuhan mana pun pernah menasihati begini : "misterius adalah kekuatan. Jangan pernah serahkan hidupmu seperti buku yang halamannya terbuka mudah dikoyak-koyak"

Somehow, in spite of everything, gw sangat setuju dengan ucapannya.

Saya bukan tipe orang yang mau berprasangka mengait ngaitkan agama dengan moral, tapi kalau begini ceritanya, orang tidak beragama kok malah punya moral dan etis.

Sekarang, saya adalah daun musim gugur. Melayang ke sana ke mari ke mana arah angin berhembus, tapi enggan singgah di satu dahan atau sepetak permukaan bumi terlalu lama karena angin musim gugur masihlah begitu hangat.

Basuki Tjahaja Purnama - Ahok

This post will be different from other posts I've done previously. Why? Because it definitely is not ALL about me.

It's about someone else who I used to not very familiar with, but then due to my profession, I need to get to know him, and be verrryyy close with him every single day, perhaps.

About 8 months ago (or so, I don't quite remember) I started to get deployed to cover up all reports on The Jakarta City Hall or popular as Balaikota. Then off I go!

Before I got there, I had this big piling up nightmare in my head that I had to deal with some boring and complicated issues to write down about all the tangled threads problems in Jakarta. And yep, that was sooo right! When I first got there, I didn't understand any single words they talk about.

They talked about monorail project, Kartu Jakarta Pintar, river's revitalization, all sounded like alien language to me.

Well that seems pretty common for all newbies in anywhere. But in my case, I was really not interested. That was all too boring for me to adjust. Then time went by. I started to felt welcomed. Not by the topic of the issues I had to write but by fellow journalists who posted there. They are all fun people! And kind too, they helped me a lot with my work.

Working in City Hall, journalist have two options whether to cover The Governor Jokowi or The Deputy Jakarta Governor Basuki “Ahok” Tjahaja Purnama. Me, particularly whenever I was not in the mood or when I felt tired, I will prefer to cover Ahok because I don't need to push my assoff chasing Jokowi while he was on "blusukan" day.

Being with Ahok, I just need to sit in press room nicely (which is not real a press room, it was initially a meeting room for the vice governor that we *journalists* invade while we are waiting for Ahok to appear to get door-stopped-interview). Mostly, while we were waiting Ahok to come out of his office, we used to browse the current news to get freshly-written issues, chit-chat, take selfies or you-tubing, or order foods.

Ok, now how is Ahok in real life in the eyes of me?

Hilarious

Yes, that was my first impression about him when I first knew him in person. Ahok is hilarious in a way he can dodged the answers for the questions we ask him in a witty and rude-y way (almost like the answers of street man). 

It was something you really don't expect coming out from a state official. But somehow, that is the real voice of people outside. Ahok said it well, true and innocent. For example, when we ask Ahok's opinion about shocking incident of ammunition explosion from the Marines depot in Tanjung Priok on March 6, Ahok innocently replied: "That's why, don't keep old ammunition, Boss!" Ahok said the military should get rid off the old ammunition and weapons from a long time ago and make revitalization instead of keeping the old ones. Ahok *off the record-ly questions what they did with the money*

As an Indonesian state official, Ahok in fact had plenty of "bullshits" options to respond to media's question regarding that incident, in order to elevate his image in front of people and save his position in front of his superiors, but NO! He said what he thought he needed to say, to anyone, anywhere.

I'm a merely newbie reporter, what do I know? but to me that's interestingly witty.

Another example is when Ahok accused home minister don't understand about the Constitution. He said to all journalists to tell the home minister he should learn more about the [1945] Constitution as The Home Minister Gamawan Fauzi suggested Lenteng Agung subsudistrict head Susan Jasmine Zulkifli, who had faced protest from a small portion of residents because she was a Christian, should be replaced.

Ahok argued that only 52.7 percent of Jakartans voted for him and Jakarta Governor Jokowi, meaning almost 4 million people did not vote for them. But that did not mean they must step down because they were disliked or rejected by the majority.

“If those four million people protested in front of City Hall and demanded our resignations, would the home minister consider replacing us? Would we be not suitable to govern Jakarta?” he said.

Ahok who is Christian said that government officials should comply with the Constitution, not their constituents.

Well, about those two example maybe you all guys have read on newspapers or online news media, but here are the fact about Ahok you might don't know:

1. He is the one who told us, journalists, if we want to get new cell phones, we got to drop our cell phone while interviewing him, and so he will change it with the new and expensive one. But that was a joke, even he kindly offered that we know the boundaries.

2. He was so caring with others.

He always asked his assistants to check whether we already had meals while waiting for him outside his office. If we said we haven't had eaten, he will get us food.

3. He like to celebrate our birthday!

Once, my fellow journalist is having a birthday and so he get her a big birthday cheesecake (Rp500.000). When we accused he bought that cake with regional budgets, he shrugged off and said that was his private operational cost.

"That was my operational cost, I can use it for anything I like," he said that time.

And because this birthday girl is a big fan of one of the officials in DKI, Ahok tried to get him to come celebrate the birthday in his office. But unfortunately that official couldn't make it. So to paid off, Ahok put on peci and sarung in order to looked like that official.

"How do I  look? Am I look like him already? You get to click me from aside so that I look like him" he said to us.

hujan, pindahan, and stuff

Jakarta sudah terlalu sumuk buat saya, akhirnya setelah melalui pemikiran yang panjang dan beberapa kali perdebatan yang serius dengan pacar saya, akhirnya saya pindah ke Tangerang. Yes, sejauh itu. Awalnya perjalanan komuter menggunakan motor dengan dibonceng setiap pagi membuat saya kelelahan dan seringnya cranky lalu ambeg-ambeg-an, tapi good thing is, I had more space to explore me time.

Malam pindahan hujan deras bahkan banjir, saya naik taxi sedangkan pacar naik motor. I remembered how I cried in a cab along the way thinking my boyfrnd was stuck in heavy pouring.

Saya sampai duluan tapi gak tahu mana kontrakannya. Karena semua yang mengatur pindahan is my boyfriend. How weird. Namun, pacar segera tiba. Basah kuyup. I cried again.

Malam pertama saya tidur kedinginan tanpa kasur. Untung sempat bawa karpet dari rumah. Hiks... That was the lowest turn in my life.

But then... Things r getting upsides downs. Saya overwhelmed dengan jarak dan waktu. Lalu memutuskan kembali ke Jakarta. Hahhaa, nyali komuter saya rupanya hanya tahan tiga bulan😏